killacal

04:21 pm: Over...
The Killa Cal days on Livejournal are OVER....

It was fun while it lasted....

If you wanna find me writing on the web, you know where you can go....

11:01 pm: Tevin said it...kinda....
VERSE 1:
Where do they get off telling you
that I am not the least bit into
Just tell me how the hell the can tell you they know what's in my heart
What do they get from telling you
that I don't give a damn about you
Just tell me why the hell somebody wants to tear your heart apart

BRIDGE:
Oh why, oh why, oh why, oh why, oh why
Why do some people have to tell you lies
I know, I know, I know, I know, I know
I love you more than words could ever show
I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't explain
Why do some people have to be that way
I can't take much more, I can't ignore
I have to let you know what's in my heart

CHORUS:
If I never ever say that I love you
Just remember, girl, I'm saying I do
You should know that from this moment you are always in my heart
If I never ever say that I love you
Just remember, girl, I'm saying I do
love you
You'll be always in my heart

VERSE 2:
They're not the ones to be there for you
When you need someone to turn to
They won't be anywhere, be anywhere when things start falling down
Oh, yeah
They're only in it to confuse you
So they can turn around and use you
But it can't happen, it won't happen girl as long as I'm around

BRIDGE

CHORUS

2ND BRIDGE
Oh, why
Why, why, why
Yeah
Why did you have to listen to the lies
Oh, girl
My sweet girl
Well, there is only you inside my world
Oh, please
Baby, please
I wish you could believe in me
Right now
Right now
If only you could know

02:00 pm: In case you don't read water under the bridge
I'm hocked up on lortab....I had oral surgery....they yanked a tooth among other things....

Holla at your boy......

12:53 am: To no one in particular?????
And so it is
Just like you said it would be
Life goes easy on me
Most of the time
And so it is
The shorter story
No love, no glory
No hero in her sky

I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes...

And so it is
Just like you said it should be
We'll both forget the breeze
Most of the time
And so it is
The colder water
The blower's daughter
The pupil in denial

I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes...

Did I say that I loathe you?
Did I say that I want to
Leave it all behind?

I can't take my mind off of you
I can't take my mind off of you...
I can't take my mind off of you
I can't take my mind off of you
I can't take my mind off of you
I can't take my mind...
My mind...my mind...
'Til I find somebody new

09:10 pm: Stolen from the Thunder Kitty
Comment on this post and...

1. i will respond with something random i like about you.
2. i will tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. i will name something that we should do together.
4. i will say something that only makes sense to you and me (or just me).
5. i will tell you my BEST memory of you.
6. i will leave you a quote that is somehow appropriate to you.
7. i will ask you something that i need to know from you.
8. if i do this for you, you must post this on your journal so you can do the same for other people.

03:57 pm: Repeated Life Lesson!
YOU
CANNOT
TRUST
ANYONE!!

Say it again!!

YOU
CANNOT
TRUST
ANYONE!!!

02:02 am: A random funny scene from the Godfather....
[Johnny Fontane is discussing his problems with Woltz]
Johnny Fontane: Oh, Godfather, I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do.
Don Corleone: [shouts] You can act like a man!
[he slaps Johnny]
Don Corleone: What's the matter with you. Is this how you turned out? A Hollywood finocchio that cries like a woman.
[Don Corleone imitates him sobbing]
Don Corleone: What can I do?
[camera pans to Tom who is laughing]
Don Corleone: What can I do? What is that nonsense. Ridiculous.

12:45 am: Thank you....
To whoever it was that jacked up my friends page with sloppy HTML! *high five*

06:50 pm: 10 Random Songs and Commentary
I'm going to go to my five star playlist and give commentary on the first 10 songs that play....even if they are stupid and I feel like skipping them....

1) Closer - Nine Inch Nails - Everyone needs a "closer" girl/guy. "You let me violate you, you let me desecrate you, you let me penetrate you"!!! Right on Trent Reznor! Nothing lets a woman know she brings you closer to God then telling her you want to fuck her like an animal (I say this without any sarcasm or the slightest bit of irony). It's weird that they opened the movie Se7en with this song, because well....it kind of doesn't have much to do with the movie, except maybe the "lust" element, but even still. The beat is so driving and hard, it reminds me of something I'd hear if the club I was at suddenly turned into From Dusk Til Dawn/Blade. Suffice it to say, I only like this song when I'm at the crib!

2) I Can't Wait - Nu Shooz - I had this song as one of my everchanging Myspace music songs. They play this song at various sporting events, usually before the game starts, and usually only the intro, because the rest of the song is kind of ummm....emasculating I guess. So as a result most people only know the song by the intro. Anyway I like it because it reminds me of my days as a kid listening to Z-93 and B-98.5. I always leaned toward "poppy" or even edgy music like this, Information Society, and the like. Z-93 used to also play censored versions of 2 Live Crew songs so that was cool with me. I hated when they switched over to a classic rock program, but I guess now I'd like it.

3) Ghetto-ology - Goodie Mob - This is from the classic "Still Standing" album. I remember when half of my floor freshman year at Morehouse stood in line at Audrey's to get this album. This was one of the early favorites. I really don't have much to say about it though. I kinda have to be in the right mood to listen to/enjoy this song as time has gone on.....SKIP

4) Rhyming on the Funk - Digital Underground - NOW THIS SONG takes me back to me YUT!!! Me and the homie Eulus both had the Digital Underground "Sex Packets" album on tape and we used to bump it 24-7! Shock G and Money B used to be the homies man! This was one of the MANY songs that I knew by heart from their debut album. On their "second" album (which was really an EP...and shouldn't count) they had a skit called "arguing on the funk" where Shock was arguing with (himself) Humpty about P-Funk and what not and I learned a great deal about Mr. George Clinton, Fred Wesley, and Bootsy Collins as a result. This song among others made me a huge P-Funk fan for awhile.

5) Striving For Perfection - Raekwon - I have the whole Cuban Link album on my 5 star list, including this track, the intro. Ghost and Rae holding conversation is more entertaining than some artists's entire albums or even their catalogs. I wasn't really familiar with 5% terminology back when the album came out, so all of the "yo god" and "peace" and other terms was funny to me....those cats are still funny actually....

6) Paid in Full (Cold Cut Remix) - Eric B & Rakim - This is the version of Paid in Full most people are familiar with. I prefer the original myself, if only because this version takes to long to get to Rakim's GREAT verse. I mean it's outstanding! But this version was made for clubs and stuff and it's very danceable. "I don't like to dream about getting paid!" Yeah me neither dude, me neither....

7) Send It On - D'Angelo - This track is from Voodoo. The production on that album was so smooth. This was an almost perfect album in hindsight. Who knew it would be his last for the forseeable future! This is another song from an album that I pretty much saved in it's entirety to the five star playlist. I can play Voodoo from start to finish.

8) My Perogative - Bobby Brown - "I made this money you didn't! Right Ted? We outta here!!" for a long time that was my favorite sequence in any song. I liked Bobby's "moxy". Very few songs clearly and concisely address a group of doubters/critics as well as this one does. Another thing is, I was about 8 or 9 when this song came out, so Perogative was a BIG WORD for me, this song was educational! Bobby why'd you have to get involved with Whitney (I am in that minority who thinks she is the "bad influence" in that relationship). Actually now that I think about it, Bobby and his family could stand to listen to this song again to put some things in perspective.

9) All This Love - El DeBarge - One of my earliest childhood memories is sleeping in my parents bed and hearing this song. Even back then I had a love for music and knew a good song when I heard it. As I got older and turned into a hopeless romantic, this became one of my simping theme songs, complete with the soft voice and breathless wailing of "aaaaaalll". The guitar solo on this song is underrated.

10) I Can't Sleep (if i) - R. Kelly - YES I still have some R. Kelly songs on my 5-star playlist! I think I already wrote about this song on one of these types of things. About how I was smitten with this chick during a summer program and I was singing this song all loud and shit. Then my roommate Marcus, who I guess was tired of hearing me bitch and moan about the chick, tried to hook me up with her and I bitched out. Maybe I DIDN'T tell that part of it. But yeah man, needless to say, I enjoy this song for sentimental reasons. I also liked the "over-the-topness" of the loading and shooting of the shotgun at the end of the song. It was the first hint of the extremely hammy future of R. Kelly songs which peaked on "Trapped in the Closet".

Anyway, that's that...I hope someone somewhere out there read it....

01:18 am: Say it with me loudly!
FUCK IT!!!

say it again if it didn't work the first time!

05:49 pm: I'm tired....
I'm tired....for real

I had alot more to say, but I deleted it....it's not worth it...

I need to take a nap....

10:27 am: Repost from Water Under The Bridge
It's April Fools Day. Instead of pranks though, I want to talk about another kind of April Fool. Spring time does something to people where it makes them try things romantically and then you end up becoming a fool or fooling yourself.

I've been a fool in love and the pursuit of love before. I've done and said some foolish things in an effort to impress some chick or otherwise get her attention, usually in the spring.

There was the time when I was walking through Six Flags with the chick that I liked more than another chick in high school (no need to mention her name again). I said something so stupid she just looked at me and said, "Calvin shut up!"....and not one of those cute little shut up's that Elaine Benes used to throw out Jerry on Seinfeld. No this was one of those "Shut up before I just walk away" shut ups. I wasn't hitting on her, just making "small talk". I was doing too much.

Then there was the time when I was supposed to get a visitor from out of town while I was in college. And I waited on a phone call to go to the airport to get her....and I waited....and I waited some more. She never came.

There's the time I met a girl at a party again in undergrad. And I was making conversation with her. I thought it was going somewhere. Then I looked up and she was gone, talking to my boy! So I went and took a few shots, all the while simmering. I confronted him in the party about it and he chumped me off, so when we got in the car, we took a few swings at each other and I hit him in the jaw...and when I got out of the car I smashed my bottle of Orange Vodka on the ground. To this day when I see the chick at homecoming or the like, she acts like she doesn't know me, though me and my boy quickily got over it.

Then there are the extended escapades since I've been here in Nashville. I'm not going to link the stories, but if you are a long time reader you already know what I'm talking about. I really played the fool in that one.

The thing is (I think) I've grown from each one of those experiences. This isn't to say I'm not going to play the fool again in the future. I'm a Beta-Male, that's what we do. But like Ian Malcolm said in The Lost World in response to "We're not going to make the same mistakes": "No this time you're making all new ones."

Nothing wrong with new mistakes....it means new lessons learned.

But in dedication to myself and other April Fools I present the following playlist, "April Love Fools":

1) Miles Jaye - I've Been A Fool For You
2) Ashanti - Foolish
3) Frankie Lymon and the Teenagers - Why Do Fools Fall In Love
4) Luther Vandross - Don't Want to Be a Fool
5) The Main Ingredient - Everybody Plays The Fool
6) Me'shell Ndegeocello - Fool Of Me
7) Journey - Foolish Heart
8) George Michael - Kissing A Fool
9) Jamie Lidell - Game For Fools
10) Mint Condition - Love is For Fools
11) The Cardigans - Lovefool
12) The Doobie Brothers feat. Michael McDonald - What A Fool Believes
13) En Vogue - No Fool No More

Yeah it might be available later on....we'll see....

08:34 am: The Music Just Hits Me....
Just Once
( James Ingram )

I did my best
But I guess my best wasn't good enough
'Cause here we are back where we were before
Seems nothing ever changes
We're back to being strangers
Wondering if we oughta stay
Or head on out the door

Just once can't we figure out what we keep doing wrong?
Why we never last for very long
What are we doing wrong?
Just once can't we find a way to finally make it right?
Make the magic last for more than just one night
If we could just get to it
I know we could break through it

I gave my all
But I think my all may have been too much
'Cause Lord knows we're not getting anywhere
Seems we're always blowing whatever we've got going
And seems at times with all we've got
We haven't got a prayer

Just once can't we figure out what we keep doing wrong?
Why the good times never last for very long
What are we doing wrong?
Just once can't we find a way to finally make it right?
And make the magic last for more than just one night
If we could just get to it
I know we could break through it

Just once I want to understand
Why it always come back to good-bye
Why can't we get ourselves in hand?
And admit to one another
That we're no good with out the other
Take the best and make it better
Find a way to stay together

Just once can't we find a way to finally make it right?
Make the magic last for more than just one night
I know we can break through it
If we could just get to it

Just once

If we could get to it

Just Once...

12:17 pm: Another Song....
Iris - The Goo Goo Dolls

And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cuz I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Cuz sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
Cuz I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah, you'd bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me
Cuz I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
Cuz I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
Cuz I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am

10:22 am: Song of the Moment
Across the Universe - Words by John Lennon, originally performed by the Beatles....the Killa Cal prefers Fiona Apple

Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup,
They slither while they pass they slip away across the universe.
Pools of sorrow, waves of joy are drifting through my open mind,
Possessing and caressing me.
Jai guru deva om
Nothing's gonna change my world,
Nothing's gonna change my world.
Images of broken light which dance before me like a million eyes,
They call me on and on across the universe,
Thoughts meander like a restless wind inside a letter box they
Tumble blindly as they make their way
Across the universe
Jai guru deva om
Nothing's gonna change my world,
Nothing's gonna change my world.
Sounds of laughter shades of life are ringing
Through my open views inciting and inviting me
Limitless undying love which shines around me like a million suns, it
calls me on and on
Across the universe
Jai guru deva om
Nothing's gonna change my world,
Nothing's gonna change my world

02:37 pm: remember how I used to say just about anything in my blogs?
No...well I did....

Now I find myself censoring my thoughts....I don't like that....I don't say things I want to say anymore....

There is something very specific I want to talk about and I can't address it....it's of my own doing....fuck....

05:51 am: so....
I saw a nigga die tonight....but not before he jumped through the window of the spot where I was...for more details hit www.killacal.net

09:39 pm: Just a song I'm feeling right now....
Compliment what she does
Send her roses just because
If it's violins she loves
Let them play
Dedicate her favourite song
And hold her closer all night long
Love her today
Find one hundred ways

Dont forget, there could be
An old lover in her memory
If you need her so much more
Why don't you say?
Maybe she has it in her mind
That she's just wasting her time
Ask her to stay
Find one hundred ways

Being cool won't help you keep a love warm
You'll just blow your only chance
Take the time to open up your heart
That's the secret of romance

Sacrifice if you care
Buy her some moonlight to wear
If it's one more star she wants
Go all the way
In your arms tonight, she'll reflect
That she owes you the sweetest of debts
If she wants to pay
Find one hundred ways

Love her today
Find one hundred ways

Brought to you by Quincy Jones and James Ingram

08:21 pm: Plan B at Best
Man I have a "date/going out" flake out rate of 95%....like I am never really sure I'm going to go to the movies or out to eat or whatever until I'm actually out at the theater/resturant.

This sucks and is depressing....

I hate being the backup plan, but I guess I should be glad when I go out at all....

11:10 am: After more than 10 years...
R. Kelly's "You Remind Me Of Something" is just as ridiculous as it was the day it came out!

Jesus H. Patterson...how could we have not known???